(847) 966-3080
North Shore
Veterinary Clinic
If you have any cat jokes you'd love to share with us, please e-mail them to djohnmedcomp@yahoo.com. If we like it, we'll post it! (We always need more humor in our lives!)
Also check out Canine Humor and Veterinary Humor.
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is "How long will it be before I can expect light?"
This just proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have servants.
Have you ever wondered why your cat does what he does? After hundreds of hours of research, we found cats obey these rules.
- All rules can be broken when you feel like it.
- Don't worry about vet bills, someone else will pay.
- Know where the sock drawer is for those catnaps.
- Help with jigsaw puzzles.
- Sniff every stranger.
- Be astonishingly mysterious.
- When in doubt, chase something.
- Don't play in plastic bags.
- Ignore your mistakes.
- When in doubt, let your tail do the talking.
- Never sleep alone.
- Curtains are for climbing only.
- All chairs belong to the cat of the house.
- Baths are for dogs!
- Feeding time is when YOU want to be fed.
- Go absolutely berserk for no apparent reason.
- Scratching humans and furniture is a no-no.
- Try to keep that mouse alive for your human.
- Make the world your playground.
- Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps.
- If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do.
- When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up.
- Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
- Nap often.
- When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
- Life is hard, and then you nap.
- Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
- When in doubt, cop an attitude.
- Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.
- Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.
- Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
- Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
What magazine do cats like to read?
Good Mousekeeping
What do cats like on a hot day?
A mice cream cone.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies
Why are cats better than babies?
Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
What is a cat's favourite colour?
Purrrrrrrple!
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
An eskimew.
Why are cats such good singers?
Because they're very mewsical.
If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?
Because the window is closed.
What side of the cat has the most fur?
The out-side.
Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?
Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
- Aquarium: Interactive television for cats.
- Cat:
1. A lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
2. A four footed allergen.
3. A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
4. A small, furry lap fungus.
5. A treat-seeking missile.
6. A wildlife control expert.
7. One who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
8. A hair relocation expert.
9. An unprogrammable animal.
- Cataclysm: Any great upheaval in a cat's life.
- Cat Scan: To look for a new cat.
- Dog: A cat device for running practice.
- Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.
- Human: An automatic door opener for cats.
- Impurrsonate: To act like the cat.
- Kitten: A small homicidal bundle of fur on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two!
- Purramour: A cat lover.
- Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
- Purraphernalia: A cat's personal belongings.
- Purrchase: Anything bought for a cat.
- Purrpetual: Everlasting feline love.
- Purrsuit: The garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.
- Yawn: A cat's honest opinion openly expressed.
